Deep Stuff

I am really writing this because there are a few people (you know who you are) that I'd like to share this with but I couldn't put it into words last night.   But hopefully everyone reading this will get something out of it.  Here is the piece of me that I don't share.

When I was a kid, my parents were very neglectful.  My mom has pretty severe bipolar disorder (now controlled by medication but not then) and my dad was a sex addict (now recovering).  I lived in a very self-centered house where I had to fend for myself a lot. 

I started to notice that the public "me" was widely accepted.  I was successful in school, piano lessons, etc.  But the side of me that I shared only with my family was being rejected.  I put her away.  For a long time.  For 24 years.  And now, I don't know who she is. 

But yesterday in my counseling session I started to get in touch with her.  And I am so confused and scared.  I hear her voice (it's coming from my heart).  I want to let her out but I don't know how.  And who is she - it's scary to let her out!  But I know this is a door that I have to unlock to recover. 

So for now I sit in confusion, fear, uncertainty.  I'm trying to think of ways to embrace her but I don't even know her that well . . .